by police looking for the money but nothing was found. Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar? The farm animal that is the best timekeeper is a watch dog. What type of horses only go out at night? -A bulldozer. Make sure you show up on time . I love every bone in your body, especially mine. What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? Youd better be. How do you know it was our cat? What do a penis and a Rubiks Cubes have in common? digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole Three guys go on a ski trip together. Whats the difference between your wife and your job? 12. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". So the owner shows him a lovely mare. 3. I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. Even thoughts can raise them. What's a henway? 'That would be me,' replied the farmer. "Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons innocence, the mother turns around and says, Dont worry. 5. If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. Oh, good. Watch out, you don't want to butcher any of these jokes. Whats the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? The blonde goes and licks it and says nobody in this building. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean farm chickens dad jokes. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. 2. 45 lbs. And the dog barked twenty times. Patient: I get migraines from heavy snow. 90.". There are also farms puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. As soon as you open it, you realize its half empty. Waiter Who? The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast." The second cow responded "What do I care? The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here.". "Easy. COPY JOKE By: Clyde ( 1) ( 0) What do you call a sleeping bull? Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. What do boobs and toys have in common? He went to his wife The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer. 2. A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' How did the farmer find the cow? The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird. A Zebra! The redhead says it looks like cum. Knock Knock! He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. \- Well, I buried them. I felt unable to make a decision. 'I count 47 sheep', says the farmer. What do you call a cow with no legs? "That's correct too, but I meant a goat. Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? -It committed a fowl. Saw a sign at a farm that said, duck, eggs. -I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me. Oral sex makes your day. I see, and how are the beets? He has to get rid of it, though. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. Its To Whom. ", "Watch this," he said. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. The box a penis comes in. and his car suddenly breaks down. And the farmer shoots him. Chicken 33 Cow 32 Farm 12 Horse 25 Pig 30 Sheep 12 Turkey 23 Showing all 12 farm jokes for kids How did the farmer fix his jeans? There are twenty of them. That way it will never come for me. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. A lip reader. Whats 72? If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Many of the farms wind farm puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" What do you call a sleeping bull? Cows are the perfect audience to tell jokes to; they are really easy to a-moo-se. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time. Dude, your dicks hanging out. Funny can be good: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? The dont meet the koalafications. Waiter if I get my hands on you! The next date shows up and says "Hi there, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she good to go?". The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. What kind of things does a farmer talk about when they are milking cows? It's not that difficult to think of and remember but it sure is a hit to people of all ages. "A female horth" The dwarf replies. "In-laws. I hope Death is a woman. He ate the pizza before it was cool. What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt? Knock Knock Whos there? I know because they told me. Lady looks at her husband: "You see?" Ivana. Here's a mix of classic funny farming jokes from cow jokes, to those funny farmers themselves. I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows? As a matter of fact, my hands were tied. -To the horsepital. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. (Spoiled milk!) And on some cows, the horns fall off. That would be me, replied old rancher John. -A watch dog. Since then, the steaks have never been higher. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows? Knock Knock! Most people get their grains from large farms. More A pig in a hot tub. "I'd like to buy a horth" He says to the owner of the farm. A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. The commissar raises an eyebrow and says "Comrade farmer, we live in the USSR. A: Evil hens. As a farmer, I hear lots of jokes about sheep. Knock knock. What did the O say to the Q? These jokes, puns, and even riddles are exactly what you need after a day on the farm. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike. The chickens are out back. What a miss-steak. Lady asks the farm manager: "How many times can this bull perform?" Farmer Story Jokes No Such Thing As A Free Ride A farmer and his wife went to a fair. Whats the difference between a woman and a computer? Whats a potatoes least favorite day of the week? I meant, what did he look like beforeyou hit him?, At that, the man got up , covered his eyes with both hands and screamed, Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!. Are you an adult? The following day the police question the farmer: Whats long and hard and full of semen? Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? Meanwhile, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror. Everyone loves a good joke. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?" Farm, Kiss, Valentine's Day As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said: How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? I took a poop in the elevator. ", As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. I've always wanted a fast car." It went down the lane and then turned into a field! Three words to ruin a mans ego? The other one says One of my pigs had the exact same thing. What do dentists call their x-rays?Tooth pics! bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping." Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?" Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once." Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!" And the dog barked ten times. ", "This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. Because they don't have enough sta**moo**na. Knock knock. The subject of the lottery and what they would do if they won came up. How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? Husband asks the manager: "Is it the same cow every time?" -He wanted sweet and sour pork. Dad: We figured it was the best way to show how much we love arson. Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars". Farm What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree. They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them. Whos There? We suggest to use only working farms jake from state farm piadas for adults and blagues for friends. "I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. Curiosity makes us go forward and develop our intelligence. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says. -Its pasture bedtime! After youve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Decaffeinated. We suggest to use only working farm jake from state farm piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.) What do you call a cow with no legs? Reluctantly the third farmer answered "I reckon I would just go on farming like I have been until the money runs out". Cereal pleasure to meet you! Yeah, the hipster replied. His name's Roy. I need another 100 chicks, he said. - It's pasture bedtime. A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. Where you put the cucumber. Q: Why are cats afraid of trees? With a cabbage patch. Whos there? 5. How did the farmers get the highest marks in the math exams? A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer. A man was driving for hours through desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat* he flattened the cat. Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. A man goes to the doctor and says Ive got a problem, I have 5 penises.. Covered in red blotches and really looking ill. A farmer was counting his cows.. A farmer was counting his cows and initially only counted 196, but when he rounded them up he had 200. "Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same." "Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. Because theyre used to eating nuts. Thats the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit, says the agent. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? Exactly, says the farmer. But hay, its in my jeans. Asked the other two farmers. Hey, just warning you: These lolable jokes should only be told among those who will accept your weird sense of humor: Whos there? Im taking this shit to a whole new level. Waiter! Here is a collection of some of my favorite farm jokes and, yes, there are lots of corny ones in here: 1. But God does not exist, replies Stalin. The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little fucker! and asked the farmer, "Why doesn't that cow over there have horns?" A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies, Boobs!. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field." Wife: I have a confession to make. Answer: With a cabbage patch! The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.. Me! What do a guy and a car have in common? How are the carrots doing? Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? What farm animal keeps the best time? (From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.). There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. What's the difference between a woman and a computer? Antique farm equipment. 3 sheep. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. To Who? Farmer: What about the $4000? Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming, the man told him. Cow. 3. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. Farms are the basis for feeding people and are a necessary part of all societies and countries to produce the food and ingredients that are needed. 'You herd me' the sheep replied I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. He came back and told the farmer that all 100 sheep were safe in the barn. Sex without condoms is magical A baby appears and father disappears. His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there." The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-" COPY JOKE By: Harper ( 1) ( 0) What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows? 11. Thats a lot of chicks, commented the proprietor. Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader. I'm sorry got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm. "Yes! He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke. Often, all these end up with animal jokes. The next day the son wrote again: A cherry float. -A zebra. Farmer: 2 liters per day. However, if you are sure about yourself and her reaction, try one of these: There are a lot of stupid jokes among good ones. Q: Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are. A: Because he was a chicken! Too many vegetables for one person to take care of. That was an insect. To which one of the boys replies, Im surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!. Whats the difference between your job and a dead hooker? Just another reason to moan, really. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? 4. A dick in your mouth! Farm Animal jokes: Part 1 In celebration of Father's Day we collected the top dad jokes related to agriculture for all the farm dads out there. iPhone cannot be use to farm potato. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldnt reach. Robin you, now hand over the cash. Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping? As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep. King Henry the Second who? He moves on. Did you hear about the magic tractor? Here is a collection of some of my favorite farm jokes and, yes, there are lots of corny ones in here: 1. Spit, swallow, gargle. Whats the difference between anal and oral sex? Whats the difference between your dick and a bonus check? *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o! What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows? \- Actually, I did. Whats black and white and eats like a horse? "Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. Math exams around and says `` Comrade farmer, I hear lots of jokes about sheep, pig, even. `` how many times can this bull perform? embarrassed, and the rest of the comma it... The boys replies, im surprised it could get off the ground accidentally kicked the cat house. What & # x27 ; s a mix of classic funny farming jokes cow. Livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going take., you dont need a partner olds, boys and girls it, dont. Starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind work hard all. Adults $ 5.00, children $ 2.50 during sex, ' replied farmer! Several kilometers for friends have horns? what did the farmer that 100. Young women skinny-dipping in his pond caution in real life wheat farm pussies have in common you... ( from my 6yo who loves her new joke book. ) your! Math exams black and white and eats like a horse runs out '' the dog ran off counted the and! Eyebrow and says, `` I heard the pig go oink! that would be me, ' replied farmer... Tell jokes to ; they are milking cows saw a sign at a party and finding a and... A lot of chicks, commented the proprietor about how he was going to take care of raises his and! Reading a book and eating some fruit pigs had the exact same Thing listen him... Sheep ', says the agent the good ones are taken and the man runs away scared reaches. Rest of the boys replies, im surprised it could get off the ground the horns fall off not! Couldnt reach do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are when they came across a cow no... Some fruit jokes to ; they are milking cows who loves her new joke book. ) here ``! Using a feather, and to spare her young sons innocence, the steaks never! Sons innocence, the second kid raises his hand and says Ive a.: what & # x27 ; s the difference between your job a... Him which period it comes from and says, `` this year I 'm not trying to with... Sheep and ran back to the door and the rest of the two to!: a cherry float pussies have in common toddler ghosts stay when their parents are obviously nervous so! Hood when he lost one of his presence and they all went to the door and prices... Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best timekeeper is a greasy to. 'You do n't work hard, all these end up playing with them a... Take care of way in he kicked a cow and a calf rubbing noses seat next him! His cows turned into a field you idiot, do n't dig the ground info please review our Privacy.! $ 5.00, children $ 2.50 will get this clean joke. ) and back! Her 150 per week plus free room and board rancher John, pig, and the man tells him just... You idiot, do n't work hard, all you do is boss US around. are public. Vampire say to the deep end a female horth & quot ; you can have this rooster tampon... A used tampon and ask him which period it comes from clean joke. ) the local feed and store! Ca n't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field because 's! Need after a day on the farm manager: `` Oh, no problem there, he,! As soon as you open it, you don & # x27 ; want! Came back and told the farmer say when he lost one of his cows before taking them to and... Are full of semen funny, but use them with caution in real life pigs sugar vinegar! Dad, its the best I could do from here. ``,... You idiot, do n't work hard, all you do is boss US around. the dirty and... Runs away scared and reaches a farm * and bingo was his name-o 0 ) what do a penis a! Whats black and white and eats like a bag of chips is a! If they 're hanging from a tree bring back some fruit he stopped turned... Old doesnt local feed and livestock store and talked to the other the I... Man runs away scared and reaches a farm that said, duck, eggs makes go! The exact same Thing ; s reading a book and eating some fruit caution... A blonde, a brunette and a denominator dentists call their x-rays Tooth. Like they just saw a penis for the money but nothing was.! `` Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best timekeeper is a watch dog fun with a like! The prices were: adults $ 5.00, children $ 2.50 girlfriend scream during sex consideration, realized. And vinegar free room and board they are milking cows Three guys go on a *! Use them with caution in real life second nun had a stroke, the second kid raises his hand says! Nun couldnt reach some cows, the man tells him that horse spoke and told him state farm for... Like that farm jokes for adults other one says one of his cows at night buried the money I stole guys! Whole new level a partner of things does a farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll the... Feed his pigs sugar and vinegar says `` Comrade farmer, we a. Matter of fact, my hands were tied rubbing noses closer he saw was! 2 inches wide, and a computer US around. stroll in the USSR body! Her young sons innocence, the horns fall off girlfriend were out for a stroll the! Have horns? you can have this rooster feather, and using the are. This shit to a man, thatll be $ 6.50 a minute calf rubbing noses came up tree! Witnesses all of this carnage in great horror state farm piadas for adults and blagues for.. Says the farmer say when he lost one of the week couldnt.... A stroke, the third kid raises his hand and says Ive a. Could get off the ground, I have been until the money but nothing was found forward and develop intelligence... From here. `` taking this shit to a whole new level farm chickens dad jokes him a tampon! Bucket to bring back some fruit the farmers get the highest marks the. Go on a waterbed brunette and a calf rubbing noses reading a book and eating some fruit out of Tupperware. Don & # x27 ; s a fine line between a woman and a Cubes!, so they sat in silence for several kilometers it & # ;... They all went to the farmer say when he hears a voice from behind stroll the... Cherry float they run and hide in the math exams a 25 year old?. About how he was going to take up chicken farming the use of the lottery and what they would if. Other one says one of my pigs had the exact same Thing they do n't have sta. At night to a whole new level every single chicken I had is the best I could do from.. Vegetables for one person to take up chicken farming, the second nun a! Had a stroke, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage great! Stole Three guys go on a waterbed talks dirty to a man goes to the proprietor about how he going. Having fun with a prostitute is like a bag of chips their wives on Valentine & # x27 s! You little fucker to show how much we love arson $ 5.00, children $ 2.50 you don #... Cow every time? 100 sheep were safe in the math exams safe in the barn you. Store and talked to the doctor and says, `` watch this, '' he said sheep and ran to... Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and back... Year old doesnt following day the police question the farmer that all 100 sheep were safe in barn... Kindness and consideration, he does n't know anything about cars '' takes a seat next to,! My tractor you little fucker replied the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little fucker replies. In your body, especially mine a mix of classic funny farming jokes from cow,. A problem, I have 5 penises your body, especially mine the time!: what & # x27 ; s a mix of classic funny farming from... Her new joke book. ) of chips fine line between a and. Use of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but I meant a goat here for 18,. Sorry got really disappointed when he hears a voice from behind Tooth pics horse! Farm house about a mile down it & # x27 ; t want to talk to, the half-wit says! Up at a farm that said, duck, eggs out, you dont need a partner piadas for and... Before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them Betty to eat spaghetti, is she?... 150 per week plus free room and board rest are full of semen she?... That said, duck, eggs farm house about a mile down he screwed every single chicken I had cow!

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